A Very Sad Story Part II

 Last week, it was reported (that is, before I was called upon to go investigate the "Mystery Man" story myself -in Yaak, Mt) that the, as yet, unidentified bride in our story, had just heard that her DOG had arrived with some important news for her ears only! Well, being the snoopy sort, we followed her out of the house, where she was led to where her dog was waiting (the dog, too, has requested anonymity, to we are not able to divulge its name or gender, at this time, sorry).

 Nonetheless, when we moved in with our secret camera, the dog acted as though he was onto us right from the start and refused to divulge any real details. Yeah, he clammed right up. When we asked the dog direct questions, he gave us a similar response to the one we got from the bride, in last week's article. Notice any similarities?

 Yeah, the dog didn't even bother telling the bride what he had come all that way to say! In fact, he just trotted off and seemed oblivious to the fact that everyone was waiting so patiently for some kind of response from him. Even his mistress -as can be seen in the reactions of both, in the picture above.

 Desperate for some kind of clue as to what this was all about, our roving cameraman followed the beast across the compound, and this is what we witnessed: the dog no sooner got a short distance from the crowd when more clues began to show.

 Our "Pet-Smart" camera operator quickly clicked on the "mammal-mind-reading" feature on his camera and picked up an interesting tidbit that might've otherwise gone unnoticed:

Problem is we still don't know what it all means. Perhaps there is more going on here than even WE have realized.

A Very Sad Story Part I



 Last week, while reporting on the "Mystery Man" story, our investigative team stumbled across another interesting tidbit that the authorities may have overlooked. We still can't reveal the names of the people involved, but we thought we would start by asking a few direct questions of the bride that was featured in our previous piece. The types of questions we were asking, were in keeping with solving the "mystery" part of the equation. Things like, "Has your new husband ever had problems like these in the past, to your knowledge?" She, of course, refused to comment, but the look on her face told a deeper reality. We decided to stick around.

Our hidden camera (cleverly disguised as a camera) picked up several anxious moments that seem to be uncirculated in the normal collections of pictures from the wedding. Although she wasn't answering our questions with words, her reactions were speaking volumes. We tried a different tack, instead of asking the questions of the bride, herself, we asked a few people who were nearby -using a stage whisper that would've awakened the dead. This is the sort of response we got: "How often does our "Mystery Man" go off and do things like this?"

"Do you think he's staying away for any particular reason? After all, it is widely reported (at least through our stories, that is) that the authorities only wish to ask him a few simple questions..."

So, on it went, for several moments. We just sort of followed her around, like a little puppy dog, really, and waited for these candid reactions. She wasn't giving us the time of day, as far as answering our questions with words, but Wowee! Her reactions (especially when we got in close, like this!) were just this side of recalcitrant! For a few moments, it looked as if she was going to slug our cameraman and stomp him into the ground -did we mention, this took place in Montana -you just never know! So then, she tried to duck around us and disappeared into the house. While it did take us a few moments to locate her, we ALL had a surprise when we found her. Somebody -we're not sure who, came running in and told her that her faithful DOG had arrived, and that he had some important things to tell her!

To be continued...

Mystery Man Wanted For Questioning

 

What began as a harmless post-wedding prank may have turned serious -the look on this newlywed bride's face says it all! Officials are reluctant to release the names of the couple involved, since, at least according to one witness close to the investigation, their "evidence is not conclusive at this point, but it certainly is provocative!"

Investigators are claiming that the man pictured on the right in this photograph might just be the "mystery man" who is wanted for questioning in one of the most bizarre cases to come out of Montana, since Ted Kazinsky was apprehended. One official from the Deputy Sheriff's office, speaking strictly off the record, stated that there has been a sufficient amount of "suspicious" actions in this case, which apparently started the investigation to begin with!"

Police investigators are wondering, at this point, just what this "mystery man" was hiding up his newlywed wife's dress. They are also wondering how something like this could be going on -even as one of the wedding guests is being robbed, in the background, as this series of photos would seem to indicate. One official, close to the case, stated outright that, "Although we don't have much evidence at present, everyone knows that we are experts at manufacturing evidence!"

In a surprise twist, Deputy Sheriffs led the "mystery man" away in handcuffs, presumably for more questioning down town. At this point, the judge has refused to offer bail. Just how serious this situation is, it is hard to determine, as investigators are remaining tight-lipped, at this point. In fact, we were unable to determine, at this point, just what charges the mystery man is being held on. But we will keep you updated with reports as they develop.

 

How Can You Tell Your Dog Is Missing You?

Our dogs are acting a little unusual, these days. It began as subtle changes, you know, like following us around from room to room -so close, in fact, that when you stop, they plow right into your leg and, heaven forbid, you should back up, you're liable to step right on them, or trip over them, trying to avoid doing so.

I realize, we have been quite busy, lately, what with the ASI Convention and our time volunteering for "Your Best Pathway to Health," this month. As a result, we haven't been getting a lot of quality time with our pups, and they've been showing the strain.

Our dogs, Mao and Ming, are about a quarter Labradoodle and mostly, Golden Retriever -they're about a year-and-a-half old. Lately, they've been going well beyond "affectionate." It's been downright possessive! I called three times, for our daughter, Karali, to get in the car. Finally, I heard her trying to answer, "I can't -Mingy won't let me go." So I walked around the corner to see one of our dogs laying on the kitchen floor, hanging on tightly to her, as though she thought she'd never see us again.

But the strangest thing happened, just today. My other daughter, Anali, tugged on my shirt and asked me, "Papa, what is Mao doing?" I glanced over to where she was pointing and saw our other dog, pressing his ear up to the wall where my wife was in the other room, talking about our plans for next weekend.

I wonder if they're going to need counseling when this is all over?

Stunning Revelations: Looks Like Kaycee is Off the Hook!

Investigators revealed today that the well-known illustrator and humorist, Kaycee Jay Kendall, is not guilty of violation of local child labor laws. This, despite a promising two-week media assault that seems to have turned up no significant evidence.

"Strangely, the few people who thought it might be true remained silent, while those who were sure the charges were spurious, offered prayers and support." Kendall was quoted as saying, in a press release, today. "It was almost as if people didn't want to believe it," he went on to say.

All charges were dropped. Either that, or they were never formally filed, because this reporter spent an awkward three-and-a-half hours hunting high and low, and found no evidence of any such charges. Standing on our First Amendment rights, however, we have decided not to print any retraction, partly because, finding a "good" story, these days, is pretty hard. So, we're pretty much sticking with it the way it was written the first time.

Asked if he was elated with the news of his innocence, Kendall just replied, "Huh?, I didn't even realize this whole thing was happening." Despite his non-chalance, our pens are poised for the next great implication.

Final Nail in His Coffin! New Set of Photos Clinches Case

So called, "Graphics Specialist," Kaycee Jay Kendall,

 

already under investigation for violation of Local Child Labor laws, received a serious blow, last night, when the following shots became public.

These photos, taken with a hidden surveillance camera show the extent of the violations.

 Already, several YouTube videos are circulating
http://youtu.be/yp6DlowZU4Q ; http://youtu.be/3mJbPI8tKWM ; http://youtu.be/fbbfjuDWaWY , that demonstrate the fact that Child Labor Laws are being ignored, but these latest pictures are so incriminating, we couldn't help insinuating!

 

Once again, Kaycee Jay Kendall, the mastermind behind these alleged violations, could not be reached for comment. That didn't stop us from insinuating either, as you can plainly see.

Evidence Piling Up Against Kaycee Graphics: YouTube Link Reveals the Truth!

Although the popular artist/graphic designer, Kaycee Jay Kendall has not admitted to having violated Local Child Labor Laws, a YouTube link :
http://youtu.be/3mJbPI8tKWM  has been spreading the evidence across the world-wide web faster than he can open up Photoshop!

Keeping in mind that the self-described "Graphics Specialist" has neither, confirmed or denied the charges, however, he seems to be making an attempt to play down the backlash, through commentary on his various Facebook pages, as well as a foiled attempt at contacting the alleged victims https://www.facebook.com/karalianali.kendall?fref=photo  (likely an attempt at settling the matter out of court).

Kendall, as usual, could not be reached for comment, so we decided to draw our own conclusions based on his silence and the evidence that we have uncovered -like any self-respecting news service would do! The video in question, obviously taken without Kaycee Jay Kendall's knowledge, amply shows who the "taskmaster" in this show is. One can almost hear the threats and intimidating remarks that he is whispering as he forces these children to do these unnatural acts -washing cars! Apparently, there are several of these videos in existence, but this one seems the most incriminating to our editorial staff.

This final photo says it all: Just look at the desperation in that little girl's face!

Kaycee Graphics Under Investigation: Violation of Local Child-Labor Laws!

The evidence is mounting in a case that has rocked the Graphic Designer's world. Locations like this one: https://www.facebook.com/dblgriffinMASATA/posts/538073549676663?comment_id=538075076343177&offset=0&total_comments=2 are quickly spreading the rumor that Kaycee Graphics has employed under-aged workers on numerous occasions -a fact that the well-known, self-described "blogger" has made no attempt to deny!

Two victims have already stepped forward and the world is waiting to see if others will join their ranks. This scandal broke earlier today, when pictures were posted on a Facebook page, clearly revealing details that led investigators to hurried conclusions. Kaycee could not be reached for comment, neither has the Graphics Specialist made a serious attempt at denying the charges.

Most investigators agree that the two principle victims in this case can be easily identified, but it's still not easy to tell them apart. This has, at least temporarily, slowed investigators down. The victims, as one might expect, are a little bit shy when it comes to revealing details of the abuse. Our own roving investigators captured pictures of the Subaru in question, looking rather "squeaky" in its cleanliness, but the forces of nature have already begun to hide the evidence. More details will follow, as this story breaks.

OMG! People are STILL Looking!

OMG! People Are STILL Looking at My LI Profile!

Yes! It's true. But it's worse -much worse. These "new" voyeurs think I'm a total Goober! I kid you not.

You might think you have some pretty impressive connections, but booby, let me tell you, I was just selected by the "7th Director of the FBI" as a good candidate to conect with. What can you say to that? Huh?

So this leads me to believe that I am either a heckuvalot more controversial than I thought (and I am being set up) or -perish the thought, some amateur hacker actually expects me to believe that I have made it to the TOP 300 on the list of people that James Comey wants to connect with in this whole wide word (and I am being set up...) -who-da-thunkit?

Let me sit back and unwrap a new candy bar to munch on while I re-read the fine print here. Feel free to read over my shoulder, but don't even THINK that I'm gonna share the candy bar!

Author's NOTE: "My" comments below are set apart in RED text -all other text was taken straight from the "alleged" profile page (BLUE text was only "accented" by me, for emphasis).


James Brien Comey, Jr
7th Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation at Federal Bureau of Investigation
Gee, how profound and professional sounding: "7th Director "of" AND "at" the FBI"
  294 connections Mm-hm. Right.



On September 4, 2013, James B. Comey was sworn in as the seventh Director of the FBI.
 Hmm... he seems to have a tendency to speak of himself in the third person.

A Yonkers, New York native, James Comey graduated from the College of William & Mary and the University of Chicago Law School. Following law school, Comey served as an assistant United States attorney for both the Southern District of New York and the Eastern District of Virginia. Comey returned to New York to become the U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York. In 2003, he became the deputy attorney general at the Department of Justice (DOJ).
Comey left DOJ in 2005 to serve as general counsel and senior vice president at defense contractor Lockheed Martin. Five years later, he joined Bridgewater Associates, a Connecticut-based investment fund, as its general counsel.

He was the United States Deputy Attorney General, serving in President George W. Bush's administration. As Deputy Attorney General, Comey was the second-highest-ranking official in the United States Department of Justice (DOJ) and ran the day-to-day operations of the Department, serving in that office from December 2003 through August 2005. He was U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York prior to becoming Deputy Attorney General. Comey is also responsible for reviving the terror and intimidation tactics, used by the FBI in the past and denounced by the Warren Commission, known as "organized stalking" or "gang stalking."

Hmm... judging by that last sentence, he isn't too fond of his own methods, either... sounds a little self-depricating, don'tchathink?

In December 2003, as Deputy Attorney General, Comey appointed the U.S. Attorney in Chicago, close friend and former colleague Patrick Fitzgerald, as Special Counsel to head the CIA leak grand jury investigation after Attorney General John Ashcroft recused himself. In August 2005, Comey left the DOJ and he became General Counsel and Senior Vice President of Lockheed Martin. In 2010, he became General Counsel at Bridgewater Associates. In early 2013, he left Bridgewater to become Senior Research Scholar and Hertog Fellow on National Security Law at Columbia Law School.



Then they posted a picture -the same damn picture that he used for his profile picture -but I'm not supposed to have noticed that. It is revealed right on the page itself, to have been "lifted from" Wikipedia -yes, the "free" encyclopedia!

So, here's a guy, he's seven steps away from becoming General Director of one of the foremost "intelligence" agencies in the entire world, and he is reduced to scanning Wikipedia to find a decent profile pic? Yikes!

The next picture (the "icing on the cake," is what I like to call it) has a telltale "caption." It reads (and I quote): 60ed1d93-90ae-4e1a-8d0e-5c8a21a9972a

Gee, that must've been encrypted by the Bureau itself, eh? I'm just sayin...

So then (to add street cred, one presumes), he adds his "credo?" it's a hyperlink, by the way.
 Setting the priorities and policies for the Bureau; Ensuring centralization and coordination at the highest levels; Helping lead the fight against terrorism by serving as a hub for intelligence and information; Providing operational and administrative support to field divisions and overseas offices; and Taking the lead within the FBI during times of national crisis or emergency, directing major case and operations.




But here's the coupe 'd cras: "Advice for contacting" James, why, simply drop "He" a line at:
  FBI Headquarters
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
(202) 324-3000
...just tell his secretary that "He" sent me..., and if that doesn't get you right through to him, well, here's his bloody PERSONAL E-MAIL!
 
Private Email: privatemessage.jamescomey@gmail.com
I sincerely hope that everyone who reads this article will help me in welcoming James to the community by "dropping him a line." Just tell him his old buddy, Kaycee Jay Kendall sent you, because, I'll tell you what...

If he REALLY, TRULY IS who "He" claims to be, one of two things will likely happen, I will be arrested on some trumped up charges OR "He" will be sumariliy dismissed from the FBI. "Private Email" indeed!
 

FYI: The "Get Help" Button Doesn't Work!

A pair of graphs are walking down the street. One of them looks back at the last sentence on page four and asks, "what on earth is this world coming to? It's beginning to look as though the average writer can't muster syntax." The other one replies, "What did you expect? The whole world is helpless."

The first one says, "I thought the word was hapless."

The second one fired back, "Sorry, I meant to say 'hopeless.' "



　

Cut to:

My wife has told me, numerous times, that I need to "get help." My co-workers at my day

job and my landlord have joined the chorus. Now, even my kids are telling me

that I need "help."

What to do?

　

I asked my secretary; she couldn't fit me in before next Wednesday.

I called the "help desk," they put me on hold.

I asked my psychiatrist, he told me I was beyond help.

Finally, out of desperation, I tried the "Get Help" button on LinkedIn.

No luck.

All of our major systems are failing. It's just another economic indicator that suggests that we are in a seller's market. Every place on the internet that offers "help," seems to wantmoney -and LOTS of it!

It's not hopeless, but it certainly looks "helpless."

What should I do?

Any ideas?

How Does a Lunar Eclipse Occur?

How Does a Lunar Eclipse Occur? For years, scientists have struggled with how to put into words the method by which a lunar eclipse occurs.

With today's massive engines for research taking us to the heart of everything that exists, it has become the easiest thing to do. In the diagram below, one can observe the conventional approach to this dilemma for explanation, however, today, we will be discussing the newest methods and so we only present this image as a point of reference for those who might be unfamiliar with the subject of today's topic.

Casting aside the conventions of Umbra and Penumbra, we will insert new iconic images with words that we all speak. Another unconventional direction we will use is that of metaphoric pressure. Symbolism, after all, is an age-old device for helping your audience to conjure up images that help convey your message even as you are telling it.

Let's use a business model for this next portion. Let's say that you have a business, and for the sake of argument, we'll call it "Loona," after it's founder's nickname, "Little Looney." In place of Umbra and Penumbra, we'll plug in the terms "Abra," and "Cadabra." Now we have all the pieces in place, let me demonstrate:

Abra, that glory-grabbing, back-stabbing goober that works on the east side of the partition that separates your desk from his (Oh yeah, did I mention that this story is told in second person insinuative?) has apparently partnered up with Cadabra, who has been gathering false reports and tucking them under the cover of your, formerly magnificent report, just before the big meeting.

So now, after having enjoyed an impressive stint as the company founder and chairman, you suddenly find yourself "abracadabra'd" out of your position and reduced to the title of "Chief Communications Officer" and, to make matters worse, your connections on the LinkedIn Network see this as an opportunity to "congratulate" you on this new position. This, my friend, is how a Lunar Eclipse occurs! And you ask me why I'm salty!

Okay, Back to Funny Business

Most people who read my blog, and I know that there is at least one guy in Poland -which I covered in an earlier post, are probably a little weary of my recent obsession with Dr. Benjamin Carson. Not that it was merely a phase, but I have spoken my piece on it for now.

So, like it or not, I will probably recede back into my familiar stomping grounds and post more humor on this blog.

Not now, of course.

I've got nothing funny to say. I'm sorry if you came all the way over hear, expecting to find something funny, but I don't have anything as yet. I'm working on it. All that I'm saying is, I most likely will go that way.

Later.

Nice Stay

Stay Nice. That's my motto. I recently went on a vacation to the Oregon Coast with my family. We stayed overnight in a hotel, in the Dalles and then drove on in the morning, so we could enjoy the trip. While on the road, we got a call from the manager of the hotel, saying that our girls had left behind a baby blanket and would we like to make arrangements to pick it up on the way back through.

After our stay at the coast, we were delayed by some car troubles, so we stayed in another hotel, before heading back the next morning. I had it in my head that we had stayed in a "Best Western," hotel in the Dalles. So we picked a Best Western and had a good night's sleep and a hot breakfast the next morning.

On our way back to the Dalles, we stopped by and picked up the kids' blankie and I wanted to say something complementary to the manager, so I made a point to tell her that we had enjoyed our stay at her hotel, so much, in fact, that we stayed in a Best Western in the next town over... She looked at me with some dismay and muttered, "Oh." I thought, "Wow! Some people just can't take a compliment." on the way out to the car, I glanced up at their sign. It was a Marriot! Oops...

Today Poland Tomorrow the World!

Poland is about to fall. I know, it sounds pretentious but look at it like this: According to my Blogger statistics, this very blog page that you are reading now, has had three hits from Poland. That's right, Poland. Now, I realize that three hits don't mean a very big hill of beans, but to bean counters, its a few. In fact, three IS a "few," and besides that, juxtaposed against my US readership, that nearly doubled my total reach. That's not bad for someone as loathe as me, as far as blogging is concerned.

I've never been to Poland. I haven't even sent an email to Poland, and yet, Polish people are beginning to take notice of my posts. That's pretty amazing. You have to remember that this is coming from Blogger, powered by Google -and Google, as we know, knows everything about everybody! It's incredible.

So, after conquering Poland, I'll have to take some time and consider my options before proceeding. But that's okay, I'm very patient. Besides, until I read it in my Blogger statistics, I never would've dreamed it could be possible.

Poland... WOW!

Stare Here and Stay Clear

Sorry. When my mind gets in a mood like this, it just gets weird. Fair warning. When the caffeine level in my blood stars to dissipate, I start drawing a blank -I mean REALLY drawing a blank, and ... just trust me.

Stare right here
Stay clear of flying debris and
Don't fear what happens next.
This too, will pass
But it won't be the last
My blank is filling up fast, but
For now...

nothing.

About Blank

I am drawing a blank. It's sort of a neo-existential treatment in art. You stare at a blank sheet of paper and you concentrate on nothing. It can even be a virtual piece of paper, like this blog, for instance. You think you are reading what I am writing but I'm not writing. I'm drawing a blank.

I sit here and I don't even blink. It's like low-tide at coffee hour. I just stare. I'm drawing a blank. You might call it poetry. I call it a blank.

El blanco, that's my new name. This is not a game. It's a blank.

Here, let me draw you a picture:

What else can I say, it's a blank.

Smart Phone Phooey

Yesterday I had to dash my "smart" phone against the table a few times, it probably wasn't a nice thing to do but hey, it had it coming. "Smart-alecky" is a closer description of that durn phone, sometimes. Every time I touch it, it says something smart like, "Please speak a command..."

I usually respond with something like, "Shut Up!" but it just keeps on talking.

Tell you the truth, I'm about ready to shirk all this technology and get REAL old school. These days, I'm in the market for the "dumbest" phone I can find. I'll tell you why.

I'm a guy. Yes, despite the spelling of my name (Kaycee), I AM a GUY! Long story that.

Let's say I'm at a social gathering and I am pontificating on a subject, I am (and this is a guy thing) wanting to eliminate any would-be competition to my knowledge-base -so, the LAST THING I need is a phone that is smarter than ME! Let's face it, as a guy, I can't handle the competition.

Give me a "dumb" phone.

I found a good old-fashioned dumb phone, last night, digging through my mom's attic. I mean a really dumb phone.

Now I don't feel threatened in the least.

Attention Early Risers

While the experts have not yet weighed in on this one, I am telling you now, so you can decide for yourself. It was about 6am, I was travelling along State Highway 27, heading South. I saw a fire-engine red pickup truck pulling away from the carcass of a freshly flattened deer. The truck seemed, for the most part, unscathed. The dear deer, however, was another story altogether.

The atmosphere was cool. A light fog was still lingering in the low, heavily-wooded areas, but the roads were pretty clear. After last night's storm, there was still some debris laying about. Other than that, it should've been pretty smooth sailing.

Now, a lot has been written, throughout the history of mankind, in regards to "early rising," for instance, Benjamin Franklin's famous, "Early to bed and early to rise... etc." but truthfully, I must warn you, there are hidden dangers that you might not have thought about. The guy in the pickup truck, notwithstanding, think of that poor deer. She got up early, walked out to grab a bite to eat, maybe start her day ahead of the herd and then BAM! Who could've seen that coming?

I can't tell you how many early birds I have witnessed, over the years, each probably still had the worms in their bellies, if anybody had taken the time to perform an autopsy -but here they were, formerly ahead of the flock, now only carrion, by the roadside. Fodder for the birds and other beasts that enjoy that sort of thing.

I caution you, my dear readers, don't fall into the trap. Early rising sounds innocent enough but, it could be your undoing. I'm suggesting, maybe noonish. In fact, you might not even want to get up quite THAT early. After all, you could fall victim to the noontime rush and get trampled just outside the doors of the local Starbucks.

Still unconvinced? Later in the day, around 6:45 am, I was coming back along the same route and saw the carcass of a porcupine that didn't quite make it across the road. Now, I realize that in the case of nocturnal animals, he may have been merely up past his bedtime, and who knows, maybe still a little tipsy from the night's activities -nonetheless, I have to believe that this is more than just coincidence, having happened all in the same morning.

I don't even "Like" my own stuff anymore!

These days, everybody I know tells me to "like" this, "like that! All I know is I don't like it! Consider the lack of like on my own pages, here. I don't even like my OWN stuff anymore! That's pretty bad, because, without my support, I'm pretty well sunk. This is probably not news to you. I don't think I've EVER come up with something that YOU liked. But now that I've pulled out the rug under my own pages, and decided I don't "like" anything anymore, I'm about the most "likeless" lackey you're likely to see from now on!